Evil is a Dark Place & My Heart to Oxford High School

For SO FLY 🥰 

I love words. I might even be a word nerd. But words also haunt me. The words I want to say get tangled in my head, sometimes they get lost. I can’t even keep up with what I want to say or how to say it. And just like that I don’t want to say anything. And sometimes that’s exactly what happens. I say nothing. Other times I’ll start talking too fast to try and get it out and by mistake use other words (that don’t fit right) and by then I’m exhausted on the inside. What’s worse is that I miss the chance to really express my thoughts. A conversation is about momentum and if you lose it the conversation is already over. People that know me may not know this is happening with me because I’ve become pretty good at masking it, playing it off and working through it. I have dealt with this issue, defect, condition, disability (whatever word you like)… since I was a kid. It makes me feel stupid. I struggle with it quietly. I have never said this out loud. Never told anyone. Not a stranger, not my best friend, not family. But now you. I mean it’s crazy. It probably seems weird to you or not important that I’m sharing this. It’s really a dark place for me. And if this sounds confusing, ikr. I write these blog posts, I use words to speak with youth in classrooms when I can, I even have conversations with young people and listen to them outside of school. Basically I’m behind a brand that’s all about communicating. And many times I struggle with my words. 

I also have to mention my struggle with words that turn into evil thoughts. When something happens to me that I really hate or makes me uncomfortable I begin to imagine violence toward the situation. My mind becomes a whole monster. In my head, I have done some horrible things to hurt people and they don’t even know it. It’s a demon I deal with. We don’t deal with our stuff. Keeping it quiet is not working. 

I didn’t reveal a whole life’s secret of mine because I like talking about myself or want the attention. NO. I’m spilling my stuff right now because I feel like I have to not because I really want to. 

This is what I realize. 

Anything that’s stored up inside you hurting and doesn’t make you feel good about yourself can turn into something evil. Take my personal story about words. The fact that I love words and yet it’s something major I struggle with has a negative affect on my life, my esteem. It makes me want to hide or quit. ANY issue can become a weight and too heavy. The reason I get past my issues and my evil feelings is because of how I believe in God. I promise it is the only reason I’m sane. The only reason I don’t react.

The point is this—

What if you aren’t getting through your issues?

What happens when the little things we struggle with continue to grow and don’t get figured out or worked on or supported?… 

The Oxford High School shooting that led to the murder of 4 students and injuries to the lives of more students and a teacher in Michigan—is the whole reason I’m talking about evil and darkness. Also the student that was caught carrying a ghost gun into Eastern high school in DC, near me, all in the same week’s timeline. AND I know many of us don’t want to care about the young person using guns to shoot and kill other young people but we have to. Something is really wrong here. 

Young love, in your mind you don’t see a way out of your problems. Maybe you’re filled up with the wrong kind of energy. It is a trap. It is an attack against you. It is a lie. It is evil. It is darkness. hurt. frustration. demons. anger. being lost. fear. The result of these strong evil feelings can be dangerous for you and the people around you. 

My heart is sad for the young souls that were stolen in this Michigan school shooting. I have anger issues with this. I am fortunate to have help through my issues. For me, it’s SO FLY. We all have a right to this awareness lifestyle.

Evil is dark and cold. So I’m begging my young friends to Say what is going on with you. Find a way to say it. Even when it feels strange or embarrassing or hard. The power in evil is delusion. It will make you feel less than everybody else, helpless or ashamed. You are not. At least say what it is that bothers you and hurts you. The problem will start to change right away. Then continue to work on it. 

You belong in the warmth of light. When someone can show you this light do not push them away.

To our schools, principals, teachers, and leaders, we need more light for our students.

💛

Much Love 

-M